I think it’s important to address suffering. Ironically, our priest discussed this in his homily this week. He said, very eloquently how we will all suffer. We cannot avoid this. Suffering is a guarantee in life. Some are handed more than others. Sufferers should push to seek relief. How do you seek it?
As a Warrior mom, the suffering is like a roller coaster. We can stay up high on the hill or down in the valley waiting to get back on top of the hill. I have never personally enjoyed roller coasters; but I enjoy being high on the hill. High on life. It’s easy to keep going when things are going well. You feel good, you think good, and your attitude is full of happy thoughts.
And now we will suffer. I have suffered so much at times that I have looked at the world around me and lifeless objects and wished to be an innate object. Yes not to breath or think or move as it’s too painful. We all do it differently. I run and I cry, I talk to my husband. I sit and think or try not to think. I just stop and let myself feel bad, feel sorrow for myself, or whatever the situation is.
We suffer each day, to be honest. Well, some days are better than most. As a Warrior mom, you never know how things are going to turn out. We have a different course, an unknown map. For example, two times this week I had to get Anna up and . . . well, she was covered in her own mess. There are ways to try to avoid this but it still creeps into her sheets. Twice I had to move pillows, and sheets, strip the whole bed, and make sure I headed to the washtub to scrub. This is before I did all the normal morning tasks, and then go to work on time. We know (I have learned) you cannot let it sit in the hamper. This is minor suffering but added up during the week can cause us to get stressed. These are the extras that we endure. Lots of extras.
The pharmacy is another level of suffering. I have been blessed and plagued with the Zoloft for Anna. I have been round and round with the pharmacy and Molina Medicaid, maybe I should refer to them as the “Molina Migraine” instead. First, they deny and tell me that CVS will reimburse me after I pay out of pocket. Okay, a pharmacy giving me back money because Medicare said they will, that is nuts! Now the latest is the refill ran out; I wasn’t told she had to be seen every three months to get refills. I called the pharmacy and begged for a four-day supply so that Anna would not stop cold turkey and I’d have time to make this needed appt. They filled it for four days. I was told once I made the appt I could go pick up the medicine. I got a text it was ready, went to get it and was told it was denied by Medicaid because it was too soon. I told the pharmacy they only filled it for 4 days, now it’s showing it was filled? Well, the insurance is recognizing that as filled. What? Oh wait, you can get it at midnight on Thursday. Ok? Yes, this is another form of suffering.
But we prevail. We keep the fight going. We take care of our children. We Warrior through. This is the best way to win: keep up the fight throughout the suffering.
And for relief I cry or I run. Or I run and cry at the same time. I’ve been crying every day lately on my runs. I have cried at work. I will cry some more until the need stops. I appreciate the ability to cry, open up the emotions that are raw and real, and just scream it out. Cry it out. That’s how I react to my suffering most of the time, when it is really raw, not so much from the above words but what is to follow:
And we will suffer as a family this Friday as we come to the end of the road for our beloved German Shepherd, Yankee. He is going to be euthanized. He’s been with us for 11 years, 6 months, and 9 days.
Keep us in your thoughts as many of us have been through this gut-wrenching form of suffering. For us Warriors we must suffer while we still care for someone. The caring doesn’t stop because we have another part of our life that is falling apart, we must do it all together.
“To Live is to Suffer, to Survive is to Find Some Meaning in the Suffering”-Frederick Nietzsche
