Yes, I’m a Warrior. Sometimes I don’t want to be. Sometimes I just let things go because they are too much. In my 23 years of caring for Anna, there are agencies I cannot stand. I mean, I loathe them. Two of these are the DHS (which I’ve renamed the Department of Human Stress) and, unfortunately, another agency in Michigan called DWIHN. Both of which are government agencies and have been 100 percent useless to me.
We have a program here in Michigan that is very helpful. The program is called Home Help and is for parents who do caretaking for their special needs adult. This program was established to help families actually get paid for the caretaking. It is a beautiful program. But you must know about it, because they don’t knock on your door and give you the help you need getting signed up for it. I know because Anna has been receiving mental health services since she was 3 months old. More well-being than mental health. I know about “Home Help” because Anna’s social worker told us that when she turns 18, she qualifies. Many families do not know, and they lose out, or find out years later, creating stress and regret.
I’ve had Home Help and a terrible rep for this since Anna turned 18. The first time on the phone with her, she told me to look up the date that the doctor signed the form to get into the Home Help Program. I remember this because I was appalled. I remember exactly where I was in my home, she said to me, “Give me that date, and don’t lie to me.” I was dumbfounded. I said, “Okay, the date is such and such, and why would I lie to you?” She very rudely told me that some people give false information, and she went on, losing me because I was very offended. I even said I would not lie. The conversation ended, and I was annoyed.
I’ve had to deal with her since then. She sends me a letter, telling me when she will be in my area. The letter gives a time range. Like 8 am to 1 pm, like a freaking cable guy coming to do repairs. The time usually doesn’t work, and she is a brat about it. This has gone on for years. I have just dealt with it because it’s from one of the two agencies that I do not like to say the least.
So recently, I got another letter. It’s the 8 to 1 thing again, and I call her. I had told her I could drive Anna to school if she could come in the morning. She cares nothing about Anna and her school or schedule, only herself.
So I kindly say, your letter says 8 am to 1 pm. This date is Anna’s very last day of summer school. Can you please come at 1 so she doesn’t have to miss the last day at all? Well, I’m going to be in your area in the morning, not in the afternoon. (sigh) “You told me you would drive her in, why can’t you do that? You told me you would?” I did say this, so I just say, yes, I can, but being that this is her last day . . . she cuts me off, well, I’m not going to be in your area in the afternoon. I say okay then, can you get here at 8 am? She says yes, and thank goodness I’m done talking to her.
So now I have to completely rearrange my day. I had told my supervisor I would work a half day to help out. So I have to go into work on my normal day off, which is fine, but I have to drive Anna in, and her school doesn’t start until 8:30. So I’ll see Ms. Incompetent at 8, load Anna, drive her in, and then be to work by 9. All set.
Thursday comes. 8 am, 8:15, 8:30, no Ms. Incompetent. Okay, I wake Paul up, explain the situation, and he knows her all too well. He has an appointment at Discount Tire to go over a tire issue. He tells me he can only wait until 9:30. I say that’s long enough. I go to work. Paul waits until 9:30, no show.
I go to work. I’m not feeling great that day, low energy, headache, etc. Paul texts me he drove Anna to school and had to cancel his tire appointment. Because it was cutting it too close.
Well, that was it for me. Why had I been taking her crap? Why had I just dealt with her near harassment? Isn’t she supposed to be caring for the welfare of Anna and not her schedule? I decided to call her. Oh, she never answers her phone, so it would be a voicemail. I did not give myself any cool-down time. I called, I heard her annoying voice, “Yes, this is Jacqueline, the mother of Anna McCann. You were supposed to do a visit today, you know you asked me to keep her home from school because you’d be in my area in the morning, well, you never came, and to be honest, you’re unprofessional and rude, and I’m going to request a new worker.
I hung up, called my other social worker, who must see Anna every month to get other respite services for her. I told her about what I’d been dealing with. She said, “Yes, you deserve to be treated better. She got me the supervisor’s number for that program, and I said I’ll get back to you with the out come.”
In the meantime, Ms. Unqualified calls me back. I can tell she hasn’t listened to her voicemail. She starts, “Hi, guess what, I was supposed to be at your home and I just totally forgot.” Well, I was already on fire. I said yes, I know, and I’ve had it with you. I left you a voicemail about it. I’m tired of your tactics and the time you told me in the beginning not to lie. She went off on that; that was not me, that could not have been me, I wasn’t assigned to you yet. Let me tell you, I know it was her. She was off and running on that. I just continued to say that I wanted another worker, someone who would work with me. She started saying she does, she was coming to me first today (after making me keep Anna home and forgetting about it1), I let her ramble and said, “Still want another worker.” We hung up.
So I emailed the supervisor with the help of Anna’s other social worker. In two days, I will have another worker. I’m told that the worker only sees me in person once per year, and the other is a phone call. They come in and hear about Anna and how she’s doing. I’m laughing inside because Ms. Unqualified literally told me she just has to “see” Anna. On the porch, in the home from the porch, etc. She doesn’t have to come in. “I just need to make eye-contact with her.” Now I know she just never wanted to come in or get any more info. She was terrible at her job and didn’t care. I was told my new worker has a 4-hour window to come to my home, but she called and made a time. She did not send me a letter with a 5-hour approximation. I’m so glad I got fed up. I’m so happy I fired the incompetent one.
Let’s face it, Warrior moms. We have a whole other plate to keep hold of (and large helpings to eat). We have all these extra things to get for our kids. We are juggling. We are caretaking. We are tired of all these extras. Sometimes we settle. Then, on top of that, we have the actual fun things with our children. It’s time-consuming. I’ll ask more questions in the future, and I will not settle if I can help it. We wait more than most typical moms because there is so much to orchestrate.
In the end, I prevailed. Hats off to the moms out there fighting right now, because they are not settling. Keep up the torch, Warriors.
Success is never final; failure is never fatal. It’s courage to continue that counts. – Winston Churchill
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