I had the beautiful opportunity to experience the beginning of Lent, on Ash Wednesday at one of the best happy places I know. St. Paul of the Cross Passionist Retreat Center in Detroit. I went for the day and met many beautiful people. A day of self care.
The most heart provoking was the teaching. Father Johnson spoke about the topic of jealousy. It was profound.
I couldn’t help but apply it to the Warrior life.
He explained that jealousy makes you feel invisible. Mostly because you are harboring grief. An invisible feeling that is not resolved.
Ah . . . what a concept for us. The grief that is unresolved. So many times that I wished I had two typical daughters, or three typical kids in general. This is not a betrayal to Anna, it’s honesty. In the early years, boy was I jealous. The grief that has been harbored comes out to peek through at times. The times when we are a little jealous of the families that don’t have the limits we do. Father Johnson is right, jealousy is invisible grief.
But my friends, the antidote for jealousy is enoughness. I do have enough. I am content with two typical children and one that is the wild card. I have enough. The feelings don’t stay on a dial and not move. We all move that dial. There are days we hate to stop doing things to care for our child. We regret the shopping trip cut short because our daughter has filled her diaper. Or we can’t travel as easily as others. Maybe the fact that we still need a caretaker after decades of parenting. Boy, we can be experts in jealousy. The hidden grief.
It’s normal and welcoming to actually be jealous. It’s only the green-eyed monster until you name it. Call it out and sit with it. Then you become visible to yourself.
Now envy, the cousin of jealousy just creeps in when we compare. Why can’t I have the nanny she has, the money she has for equipment, the job she has, the cottage she has, the security she has, and the list goes on. To compare is to despair.
What can we notice with our jealousy? What about envy? What do we want to let go of? Answer these questions and you may find some hidden needs or feelings that can be worked out.
A scarcity mindset is the engine of jealousy. None of us should compare (but we do, it’s natural), we are all in the same circle. It’s been helpful for me to be honest about my life. And then in turn, combat the feelings.
And the spiritual advisor on this day of Sabbatical said:
Name it – Claim it – so God can tame it. -Faith Offman
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