Loss of Caretaking

I’m getting through this shoulder injury.  Three weeks post op today, physical therapy or as my husband calls it (physical torture) starts in one week.  I’m doing well.  Anna is doing well.  Paul is tired but holding up.  

The thing I miss the most is the caretaking.  It’s very weird indeed.  I have not changed a diaper in three weeks, dressed her, bathed her, put her on the bus, did her laundry, put her in her wheelchair in what seems like 2 months!  Paul is tired of getting up at five and it’s been a totally upside down time.  I am lucky to have the help.  I know Paul is ready for this mom to be fully functioning.  We all are.  Anna sits by me on the couch and I swear she is trying to cuddle more, I think she misses me. . . or maybe it’s all in my head.  

It’s very humbling being in a sling.  The limits get hard and the successes are so great.  I have not been able to wear pants that button or snap in three weeks.  I have to think of my outfits in reference to what I can wear with them.  I really can’t wear tights that take two hands to pull up and a suit coat is out of the question.  I can drive thankfully.  I am still sleeping in a sling.  I thought about Anna who was sleeping in some leg braces several years ago.  I put them on for about two nights and then stopped because she looked so uncomfortable.  I’m not uncomfortable in my sling but if I am I can say so.  She could not say so.  I have thought of all the people who have had injuries that are longer or lifelong.  It makes you feel so good for what you have.  I think of those who do not have the help or the recovery coming.  

I have run into two people with slings and the same surgery and some that have had it in the past and encourage me, which is very sweet.  I’m amazed at how many people tell me they had both shoulders done, some of them twice!  Bowling injuries, softball injuries, one who fell on ice like me.  It’s humbling to be injured, like it’s humbling to have a special needs child or family member.  

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We celebrated Easter and I ordered food that I could just saute and serve, a great bagged salad and a green bean casserole that Paul put together.  The kids brought cheesecake and we enjoyed watching our granddaughter eat green beans.  I forgot the a few things that I remembered later.  At first I was a mad warrior mom.  It’s like so many things are twice as hard with the sling that it was just fast and quick and since I could not do many things I was not racing around remembering all the little extras that moms do for a holiday.  

I never got out Paul’s traditional Reese’s bunny and I totally forgot this huge Easter candy tower I ordered in February!  After I got over my annoyance with myself I decided I can take it out at the next family party.  It will be great.  All the food was good and it was a chill holiday.  I like a chill holiday, but when I choose it, it’s always harder when we are forced.  

Until then we carry on and I long for the time to be all put back together again!  

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