Single Warrior for 5 Days

I am a loner.  I think that I have always been one.  Having Anna has been a dichotomy in that sense.  I mean I’m not alone with her but because of her inability to talk, I am kind of alone when with her.  Having the experience with her in my life has made my alone time even more valuable. 

Do mothers of all typical children realize how nice it is to be able to go down to the basement whenever you want?  To take off and go somewhere without organizing the whole scenario?  Sit outside alone without planning it?  

I look forward to my husband getting out with his son, Joe, for a guys trip.  They take their love (cars) and go to the Tail of the Dragon.  This is a winding and treacherous road in Tennessee, and North Carolina and maybe some of Virginia that winds and twists and turns and it is the sports cars drivers dream.  It is a horrible thought for me.  No thanks.  

So Paul left in the morning on Saturday.  I made Saturday a stay day (no leaving the house in a car).  Anna slept very late and I worked in the basement and cleaned.  I had five dogs because I kept my granddog over a couple of nights.  I did so much but I felt like the clock was going superfast.  I began the day with a huge slice of Zucchini bread with homemade cream cheese frosting and a big cup of coffee (third cup).  Why not? I was celebrating the girls having fun doing fun things. I encourage this, make dates with your child even if they can’t choose, keep them having fun. It was nice to get some tasks done.  Anna and I went for three runs later with four dogs and we sat outside.  I sat in the jacuzzi and Anna sat near me but I cannot lift her in the tub by myself;  it is unsafe.  We had a nice day and my only complaint was how fast it went.  

In the morning on Sunday I woke and moved quickly so we could make it to church.  Time flew again.  My coffee pot did not go off because I forgot to program it.  Paul knows how to start it, it’s a fancy Kuhrig and you need to press all these preset buttons.  Oh well, I just decided to make single cups rather than wait to figure it out, I do not have time to wait. The downfall of that is I have to wait and wait.  The pot quicker, can be poured, then let cool and gulp down.  Individual cups take more time to cool and gulp down.  We soon headed out the door.  My plan was church at 8:30, The Henry Ford for a stroll, White Castles for Lunch, (Paul can’t really eat White Castle so I was indulging without him, I eat this once a year or so. Then to JoAnns for a Halloween tour of the goods and then Meijer to grab some cookie makings for a bet I lost at work.  

Mass was amazing, the homily was about marriage.  I loved it.  Those of you who are married know the challenges of this union.  It is lovely but it is also a work that is never done.   There can never be too much information on how to make this union better.  

As we were leaving we saw some friends that I have not seen in church for sometime.  I could tell the feeling was somber.  I asked if I could hug the wonderful lady.  She said yes and as we hugged she whispered, “I have Leukemia.”  Hollow throat for me came next, the church stood stiller than before and I just tried to take what she said in.  It was not what I expected.  My thoughts went to prayer and my mind was sorrowed for the next few hours. 

I know I am looked at and sorrow can be seen in faces when they see Anna.  Some look away and some smile but you know they are thinking all sorts of sorrowful things.  You can’t look at someone and know they have cancer or other life threatening diseases. So many people are battling unseen trials.  I’m still thinking of the news, still hoping for a good outcome.  Now more than ever realizing that we do not know each other’s load they are carrying.  Life is not played out fairly.  

Anna and I accomplished the tasks.  It was fun in Meijer because a little girl was mesmerized with Anna.  She could not believe she could not walk or talk. She asked why a couple of times.  She was too young to bring up the chromosome issue.   I just said she never has.  She looked with wide eyes.  Her parents looked away.  I’m not phased by this anymore.  The Warrior in me knows that the child needs answers.  I can answer those questions.  The parents can listen too or look away either way is okay.   

I’ve been staying up a little too late, trying to do more and more before the night ends.  

Today Anna’s wheelchair for school (the big one) had a wheel issue. I noticed about two minutes before the bus came.  It would not lock.  I texted the nurse and told her I could bring her “spare chair.”  That is indeed what needed to be done.  I had to drive another wheelchair up to school.  These things are necessary.  It really impacts me more because maybe Paul could have fixed it. Or at least he could have been here to take another chair in.  It’s nice to have another person to help with the caretaking.  No wonder I didn’t get all 40 things done on my list!  Anna is a time sucker for me.  A cute, curly black haired, full of laughter, and full of hope, time sucker.  

We ended our fun time with a Target run and Anna got some cute popcorn pajamas and we had fun shopping there as it has been months since we shopped there together.  A fun wrap to a few days of just the Warrior and the wonderful girl named Anna.   So willing to go along with, so joyful at the little things. Such a piece of the pie in the slice of life.

I’m thankful for the help, love and support of Paul.  I’m thankful to see him come back and do half the chores for Anna so I can get back to that to do list of 35 things . . . .