It’s so nice that we finally live in a world where a mother can give up her infant with no questions asked.  This can be done as we know at a fire department and a few other places and the baby and mom are safe.  I think of all the mothers who were terrified of their lives, the baby, the circumstances and they made different choices.

I recently had a Warrior friend of mine confide in me that she’s had enough.  The daily caretaking, the behavior issues, the crying, the therapies, the doctor appointments, it has all become too much.  It has been a decade of care with other children, a husband, and trying to have a life.  But what is next?  What happens now.  Can we give up our children and then never be involved in their life?  What does the state do and how fast do they do it?  Are you struggling and feeling awful inside and out while you wait for relief?    

How hard of a choice this is, how hard of a life this is, let’s be honest.  If you stay or go, there are many days of grueling care and/or behaviors or medical seriousness.  Some days make you  face the fact they there are little other choices or they take too long to happen, and then you think  you can do it again or you have a long wait to get help. Then what?  

I dream of a place and a time when we too can take our kids and leave them if we need to.  But a different kind of leaving.  Maybe a reachable agency in every state that provides help and respite that gives us the needed time.  But how would bureaucracy handle that?  How could you tell someone in even 30 minutes how to care for your special child?  There is a sentence to this life and some of us take it willingly.  Some of us decide it’s time to stop, and some of us are too hurt and broken to even let that thought be entertained in our heads.  

I have great respect for those who prevail and those who give up.  There is nobody better or stronger.  I think those that give up may be the stronger ones, deciding not to keep sacrificing.  The concept for me is that I cannot handle not caring for Anna.  I cannot think of her out of my reach.  I have had to work really hard to just let Paul do his things that are not the way I do things with Anna.  I have to realize that I’m not the absolute CEO of Anna.  BUT Anna is not running around, not having behavior issues and although her care is a big task I have lots of control of her life.  

I guess I’m on the other end, holding on too tight, too controlled, too responsible for making sure this human has the best life.  

Yes there are facilities but most of them are permanent.  And the truth is most of these needs are immediate and the placement is months or sometimes years long.  How does the Warrior go back to life without wondering, visiting, longing for the details of the safeness of their child.  There is no answer.  It’s not an algebraic equation with a solution. 

So Warriors, keep up the battle or give in.  You are towing a heavy rope and it’s tug of war at times with you on each end.  It’s us against us at times.  I encourage you to talk and be open about your needs.  I’m praying for my Warrior sister who is giving up, that she can find a solution, however unbalanced it may be.  

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